More tales of laziness

I live in a small apartment. It doesn't take much to keep clean, and I usually do a half-decent/half-assed job of maintenance cleaning, but I just don't want to. So I might get a maid.

But it's kind of embarrassing to hire a maid service for a glorified studio. In my head, I see her showing up and thinking, "He needs me to clean this?" Really, there isn't even two hours worth of work to do. So I feel like I need some kind of other excuse to have a maid come over.

Hiring a naked maid would be an excuse. I've found more than one ad for this kind of service, and although I'm actually more concerned about the cleaning than the nudity, the pretense gives me a plausible reason I would go to the trouble of hiring someone just to avoid five fucking minutes of vacuuming.

The funny thing is, as Kiki points out, that the pretense is supposed to work in the other direction: For most clients, the cleaning is actually an excuse to ogle a naked woman. But most clients aren't sick-in-the-head lazy.

Further bonus with the naked maid: Given that she'll assume I'm a pervert anyway, I won't have to do a porn sweep and hide the case for "Suck My Ass, Win Valuable Prizes".

All my stories have strippers

Several loose ends and stray threads got tied up on this trip to Las Vegas. The top 5 things I learned:

1) I think I know things, but I don't know dick. About betting football, partly, but it's a good thought to keep in mind generally.

2) A burnt orange suit may just look like a slick, stylish brown indoors and at night, but in bright desert sunlight, hoo-boy, it might be pretty orange.

3) For fondue, putting a hunk of rice krispie treat on a stick and dipping it in chocolate is a kick-ass idea.

4) Jesus is only interesting up to a point. And even pretty naked ladies talking about Jesus is only interesting up to a point.

5) If a dancer insists that you exchange cell numbers, sometimes it is because you're going to be friends, but sometimes it's because she's trying to conduct certain types of business off-premises. I should be the last one to be naively unable to tell the difference, but, getting back to lesson #1, I fool the shit out of myself sometimes.

Let me refer you to my web site at youcanblowme.com

OK, email and internet issues have been resolved. I finally found the stupid, stupid woman responsible for shutting off my service for no reason. Apparently some leasing company I've never heard of or dealt with gave my name and address to the ISP on a list of people to disconnect. I have no idea yet why she got this information from my building. "Silvia" was actually not any fucking help when I got her on the phone, but she did try to tell me that she had a lot on her mind because she was pregnant, as if I would give a shit. I told her, with all due respect, that I didn't see the line of cause and effect between her getting knocked up and me losing internet service.

Anyway, my ISP did apologize for listening to her and got me hooked back up.

But I don't know if the old site will stay around. We'll see. There was no Vegas report this year, sadly, because this time I really was too lazy to take any pictures. Other people got some nice ones though.

Maybe you had to be there

Walking to work today, I found myself behind two women, attractive but not too out of the ordinary. Ugg boots, tight jeans, short ski-style jackets, Nordstrom bags -- typical Saturday downtown shoppers. As they strolled innocently past some steps, an old homeless woman spat out, "Look, it's the happy hookers!"

I could see them kind of stop in surprise for a half-moment, then keep going, because what was there to do? As they went by, the old woman said disapprovingly, "Look like whores."

I gave her a dollar.